Today I sold my Lily, the harp I learnt to play on. I thought I was okay with the decision when I made it a few days ago. I can use the money, since I've destroyed my front bumper in one of those parking lot/destruction by evil campus cement barrier that's somehow okay accidents and need to raise the price of the deductible. I've also started playing the guitar for now, since i can't afford a better harp at this point in time, and let's face it, Lily was too small for my hand size and I wanted more than three and a half octaves to work with, so it's not like music is leaving my life completely, and someday, when I can afford one, I'm going to pick up a harp again and I know it. I even know that I'll be going for a Dusty Springs, though that's at least three years off right now...
But...it hurts, I guess, if that makes sense. Lily's the instrument I finally learned to read music with, the first that I could play a real song on, and she helped me find my place religiously (I'm pagan and used her a lot in rituals the first year I was practicing). It's...the end of an era I guess. I'm excited to have more time to devote to my guitar, and I will always love the harp and come back to it when I can afford to go a model up, or even rent one, and to devote more time to practicing, but until then...
I'm left feeling a little bittersweet, really. I'm happy that she served me well and we had a good run together, and I'm not the musician, or even the person who picked her up four years ago, but I'd put so much of my identity into my little pink harp without even realizing it. It's funny how that happens I guess. I just needed people I could share this with, and well, why not some other harpers and musicians, right? :)